Random

I am by myself in my dark speech space. I have returned. Haha... Ok.. Just feeling random.

Feeling utterly bad after reading some stuff someone wrote. Maybe it's not entirely my fault but....... Maybe it is. Wishing certain things hadn't happen but they did. God's watching from up above. He is in control. Have faith, have faith. C'mon. Press on. For now, SIMPLICITY. Simply Him. Lord, may nothing, noone distracts me from You. I only want You. Cleanse me and purify me and my thoughts. This I ask and pray. Amen

He's not on his knees yet

Sung by Cece Winans

Taken from James 5:15,16

He doesn't know his worth
Wears the saddest smile on earth
But he denies it
Love is reaching out to him
But he won't let in
He defies it
He defies it

Chorus
He's not ready
He's not on his knees yet
He's too strong to be weak
Show him mercy
He's not on his knees yet
Let him break please make him better
Put the pieces back together

He thinks he's alone
I have walked the road he's on
I know he's searching
Looking everywhere but up
He can's fill his empty cup
So he keeps hurting
He keeps hurting

Ending
Help him please, He's not on his knees yet

Amen.

For Tears and Laughter

by Marjorie Holmes

I am grateful, God for tears. For the ability to cry.
How marvelous You made us that we are equipped with this way to express our emotions.

Quick tears to relieve the sudden hurt. Or for the times when we are touched, too moved to speak.

Or when deeper sorrows come, that we have this fierce and wonderful cleansing. This release that helps to wash away the very grief our crying demonstrates.

How You must love us that You thus provided for us. No other being has it, no insect, no bird or beast. Only man and woman made in Your likeness.

We are the only creatures who can cry.

Jesus wept, as we weep. Our very tears are testimony to Your Fatherhood. We too are Your sons and daughters.

Thank You for this proof, and for this healing outlet, the ability to cry.

And thank You for laughter.
And for all the people who can bring it about, make us see the funny side of things.

The world is so full of anguish; life itself sometimes seems so grim. Thank You that in Your vast understanding You gave us laughter to make us forget, to restore our wounded spirits, brighten the journey, lighten the load.

Just as You saved tears for human beings, You blessed us alone with laughter.

And surely this too is a clue to Your very nature. A nature akin to our own.

Thank You for this blessing, Lord. This shining gift of laughter.

sorry.
that history's repeating.
you hated the treatment of the gem.
the same, your bro is doing.

but
when a fire gets too close, one burns.
when a fire withdraws, one freeze.
either way, it kills.
to experience both is double kill.

to take the fire outta the picture
problem solve?
no protest means it's fine?
i guess so.
wells.

sigh. watever. i'm monologue-ing. yes buddy. that's my.... strength. haha..
wondering y no tagboard, not much updates? wanna change site and look. Leo.... u ready yet?

kk.. take care peeps. Jesus loves you thru n thru though at times you doubt but that's the Truth. turn your face to Him and He'll turn His to you. press on!

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding" (Proverbs 3:5)

fading away

hiding under Your wings
a broken life i sing
all my days to You
my Lord, my King

a biscuit shattered to pieces
no longer love i deserve
but You came one night
and whisper i love you to pieces

i felt love, i felt assured
but days passed and situations occured
i feel like a tree being overshadowed
losing out to the rest who follows

i'm losing heart, i'm losing confidence
into hiding, is my occupation
people are too tough to face
can i just hide in Your cave

never appearing to any crowd
i'm so tired 'cause they are all so loud
it's You i wanna hear
that, there's no doubt

right now, i'm fading away
but God, come restore this flame
all i want is You again
and always and always and always

one thing that i seek
Your presence and beaming proud grin
but first to die to self
to surrender all my rights unto You

O God, be so close and grant me strength and lead me thru

Amen

PRAISE GOD! I got my major modules for this coming sem WITHOUT bidding. HEE. God is good! I can enjoy my vacation in peace. But think will still go on-line to ENSURE. Wells. Haha... BUT... Results are out today @12noon... Hmm.. It's alright. Face the music after a good break. Hah.

Chaz. Dun miss me.

i wanna be childlike

sigh. i know i'm suppose to be on fire. but.... well.

the trip to KL was good. a perfect piece of jigsaw in His beautiful puzzle of my life. it was beautiful. prayers answered. new revelation given. fears taken away. strongholds broken. new friend found. confidence in Him discovered again. inner healing continue to take place. it's too beautiful to describe the Lord's hand in my life. too beautiful.

but back to reality. POOF! things seem so hard to handle again. coping with emotions again. but i know my Lord is helping and walking beside me. certain things in life seem to take a turn.. but maybe not.

sigh. i feel i've lost much innocence. childlikeness. i grieve. childlike. that's what i wanna. not strife. not fighting like the world does. i just want to be who i am. not caring what i am. i want to be as REAL as i can be. but i know i'm still selfish and self-centred. i dun wanna be, Father. i dun wanna be. just wanna be Your girl. just wanna work towards being Your woman. Your gentle, radiant beauty.

sigh. please pray for me. feeling down. things seem to come at top speed. trusting God. am getting harassment from a lesbian. not like the stalking kind, it's very mild. but i definitely can't stand a single bit of it and it's getting on my nerve. i'm ignoring totally. but i dun wanna lose my cool and fail to show His love to yet another. sigh. loving others is just so tough. sorry if i have not shown love to any of you. ok... enough of pity party. God is BIGGER THAN my problems. yea? sorry. focus was off Jesus and on the storm again.

God bless people. Christmas is here.
Jesus came To Live To Die.
But remember we, as Christians need To Die To Live.
Cheers.

sigh.

starting to have dreams again. i want to go on for Honours. seriously, unless God works a miracle, it can never happen. sigh~ it's not that i don't trust God. but i know the effort i put in. praying hard.

i want to understand the Holy Spirit. i want to know Him. i know my knowledge of Him is lacking tons.

i want to grow. grow into His beautiful princess. just for Him. :)

The hols are here. Yea! Haha.. Gonna be busy.

Gonna pack my room. Yes Leo. I'm publicising it. My room has not been packed since the day I shifted house and it has been almost a year already. Haha... With God's help, gonna convert the room into a place where it is filled with warmth and love, and also a place where God will meet me in my secret garden with Him.

Gonna meet up people. Anyone whom I owe an appointment? Think I already made the necessary ones... R...i..g....h...t? If not, drop me an sms. Hee.

Gonna have fun making & shopping for Christmas pressies. Christmas is about giving NOT shopping. Haha... (A reminder for myself) Jesus was given to us on this special day. Hee. Lalalala....

Gonna make trips up to Malaysia. For training and also for vacation. :D

Most importantly, gonna make effort to spend more time with God to seek directions in the coming new year. Man. This year passed really fast. Though it is a very down period for me, God has been with me in the valley. :) In recent weeks, told God I wanna lead a Spirit-led life. No longer I that liveth but Christ that liveth AND reign in me.

Man.. Hectic schedule. Madness. Hahaha...

God, I commit this hols into Your hands. Teach me to follow You daily and not walk ahead of You. Hee.. Yep. Amen.

Coming across a brother's blog, I realised what has been stealing my joy.
WORRY.

I've took my eyes off my wonderful Saviour a long time ago.
Then I stumbled and crumbled.
I wondered why.
I stumbled and crumbled more.
I think and think.
Why life's unfair?
I stumbled and crumbled, stumbled and crumbled.

Indeed, I'm NOT in control of life.
But God is.
I cannot determine all the outcomes of life.
But God can.

Trust and not worry.
Yes yes..
Think I wrote a hundred and one times about it.
Time to walk the talk.
Obedience.
Yup.
God, I will, just for You.
the Only One I live for all my life through.
( :

Realised something.

I have put on tons of masks.
I'm sorry people.
I realised I dunno how to face myself.
Let alone all of you.

Living life is a chore each day.
But really thank God for His grace and strength that is seeing me through.
I feel like a big sinner just by saying this.
I dunno how many people I stumble.

I wanna shine for You my dear Father.
I wanna be used by You.
But thank You for being ever so loving.
Ministry is not Your main concern.
Worship is.

Worship simply means being just me and giving my all to You.
You do not care if I am not perfect.
You know I do. Teach me to accept all my imperfections and blemishes.

I don't wanna write.
I don't wanna publicise my life.
But I know this is my 1st step for me to recognise who I am.
I want to stop writing here already.
Maybe I will.

One huge barrier right in front.
That I just cannot get across by myself.
God, in Your time, everything will be perfect.

Trust trust trust.
I wanna grow up.
Beautiful for You.
But it is just soooooooo difficult.

When will light shine through again?

trust faith trust faith trust faith trust faith
GROW UP!

to die to live
just like trees,
they need to die,
the new season
will then come.

dead leaves
provides fertiliser
for next season.

What a revelation Father.
But to barge is tough.
To die is tougher.

Your plans are perfect.

trust faith trust faith trust faith trust faith

Training.. To continue or not?
Think it's snatching my heart away. I'm losing the heart of worship and retrieving the art of perfection. Nothing wrong about perfection. But when it bounds you down and sometimes cause you to bound others down, that in itself is the problem.

Training.. To continue or not?
I know I'm not there. Far from there. Too many things I don't know and I wanna know. But the instrument is wearing out. It's painful. Urgh. Or the usual Sharon is giving up again? Haha... Well well well...

Sigh.

God, if I have to lose everything, I don't mind. But I don't wanna lose this heart that connects from me to You. Teach me Lord. Amen.

Am in an uber foul mood.
All I need is for carnal man to die.
Life would be much better.
Life would be sweeter.
The world would then go round.
And round and round.

Grow up.

I wanna run away again.
I know I can't.
I am no longer that baby I was 1/2 year ago.
I know His love.
I know my due response.
It is just so tough.
When will everything end?

Your word only last an hour or less less less.
I need assurance and Your voice every minute.
I cannot survive on my own anymore.
I wanna be dead.
I wanna return Home.

I wanna hear your voice.
Why so silent?
It's better this way.

Grow up.

I understand now.
"I am worried when the day comes for me to die"

You need to be on that heart throne 24/7.
My heart gotta depend solely on You alone 24/7.
My ear gotta stretch to You as I groan 24/7.

So tough so tough so tough.
I wanna go Home.

Love
Trust
Obey

Daddy God,
that's what You want me to know and learn right? It's been so long but still I am stuck with the same lessons. Gee. I don't learn aye?

Daddy God is the most amazing. The extent in which He goes all out just to show me His love. He tells me He loves me. Not what makes me me. It is just soooooooo deep and profound. His love.

The sermon today is like God's nth attempt to tell me His love. Haha.. Trust, that's what He says. Boy. I'm blown away. I wanna learn. I wanna learn. I wanna grow. Ezekiel 1 is cool. The wierd creatures with four faces sound funny or scary but the description and expounding of the whole vision is simply cool. Aiya.. No words can describe it all.

Sigh. So many people are feeling down. But I believe that during this period, it is hard but something beautiful will come forth. Only look to One. You'll be alright. For those who are far away, no matter where you are, He will find you. When He do, be assured He will not reprimand you. Ironically, He will shower you with His love. ;)

Though circumstances are hard to go through or even comprehend;
Though we argue/challenge/refuse Him;
Nevertheless He's there waiting.
Waiting for us to return,
Waiting for us, just in case we fall, and He'll come rescue us.
But.... Yup. It's tough to accept God's way.
His ways are just soooooooooo high.
All I can understand now is He loves.
That's all I wanna hold on to.
The rest just does not make sense.

The greatest is love-His Love.